Paula had everything planned. She would take her cash – a cool grand – and make her way to the pawn shop, where the scooter of her dreams was waiting. Sounds easy enough, right?

Not for Paula.

You see, Paula knows people. And she ended up at their house, which was near – but not at – the pawn shop. What happened next is a bit unclear, but here is what we know: Paula’s friends also happened to have a scooter for sale! Or they knew a guy on the street who had one for sale. Same difference. Either way, she knew the scooter needed work, that was for sure. Specifically, ignition work. So it wouldn’t have to be started with a screwdriver every time. And maybe it needed a license plate? But that’s getting into the details. And Paula is not a details person. She is practical.

Paula’s evaluation of this scooter revolved around two questions:

Q1. Is the scooter a steal?
A1. Yes! Only two hundred fifty bucks!

Q2. Does the scooter run?
A2. A qualified yes!*

*Paula knew that the scooter ran, because she had seen her friends start it. However… despite having attempted to start the scooter multiple times herself, she simply could NOT figure out the screwdriver trick! No big deal, though. Paula knows a mechanic who can fix ‘that kind’ of problem.

And it was a problem. Because without a key, she would be stuck on the side of the road.

Where she was. Stuck. When the cops found her.

And it’s good that they did! Otherwise she might still be there right now.

Scooters don’t start themselves, after all.

~~~

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24 thoughts on “Felony DUI on a Stolen Scooter (Albuquerque, NM)”
  1. That’s a moped not a scooter lol. You need a license for that and everything. It sounds better for her if everyone keeps calling it a scooter lol

  2. Did she get a title with her $250 purchase? Cant register it without a title.

    You also need a driver’s license.

    And no key? How stupid do you have to be?

    Add the charge of receiving stolen property. She just confessed. Even said she suspected it was stolen.

  3. Who hasn’t bought a scooter for $250 that needs to be started with a screwdriver?? Those are the only ones I buy! What’s funny, is a screwdriver ignition is literally a drunk persons dream! You can’t put it in upside down, and if you lose your “key”, you could probably make a bear can tab work.

  4. She wants rescue rescue? I want rescue as well too bring me some chicken wings because I’m hammered too.

  5. When you said you had two beers you already failed the test because that’s what everybody says.

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