Early morning on December 15, 2017, Keith Thurston stole a swan-shaped pedalo and marooned himself on a small fountain in Orlando’s Lake Eola. Thurston’s middle-of-the-night-misadventure was fueled by a “large quantity of Molly.”
(“Molly” is a street name for MDMA, commonly known as “Ecstasy.”)
According to the police report, “He stated he took the swan boat out onto the lake to be with the swans, and paddled it to the fountain, because “the swans don’t judge him.””
Things went wrong when Thurston reached the Lake Eola fountain and disembarked. For probably obvious reasons, Thurston neglected to secure his ride and the stolen swan boat floated away.
Taking with it the rest of his drugs.
And his driver’s license.
And so it came to be that a 36-year-old man was stranded on a tiny island in the middle of Lake Eola, high as a kite on December 15, 2017.
Thurston began screaming for help. He was rescued around 0400.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you can’t make this stuff up.
Note: The color noise in this video is present in the original recording.
** (Disclaimer: This video content is intended for educational and informational purposes only) **
"Stop looking at me swan!" – Billy Madison
The suspense was killing me in this one! Will I actually get to see two officers paddling away in a swan boat?! But no. I did however get to see an officer shine his flashlight in the eyes of his partner and ask him if it was bright. But that's not really the same thing… 😔
You sure thats MDMA?
The argument about the flashlight brightness 😂😂😂
“He thinks its EDC out there†lol
“Can we commandeer boats?†Bet they never thought they’d say that
My faves…. "we have 95 with swan" and "strobe him!"
Of course this was orlando
What officer has the wooden leg ?
If you just swung around some glow sticks and held up a bottle of orange juice he'd probably swim to shore.
I used to take the swan boats out on Lake Eola all the time as a kid. I didn't realize they were still a thing.
Ecstasy and Molly aren't the same thing. Molly is slang for MDMA which is the primary and defining but not necessarily sole ingredient in ecstasy. Even so actually expecting that you really got pure Molly instead of just some nice-looking e you're an imbecile and probably a lot poorer than you should be.
The cops don't have a jet-ski unit in a city with a lake ?
Not even a canoe unit ?
Wow.
10:12 Don't EVER take what and molly together?
My flashlight is better than your flashlight
“STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN!â€
Oh. Wait, that’s the wrong movie.
Numby = Numinumkins
"Cops walk around talking about a man who stole a swan boat" would be a better title.
I hate to break it to you, buddy, but the swans were judging you HARD.
1:20 just when you think you've done and seen everything, you're at an incident saying, "what if I ride a swan?"
Orlando has always had the good shit lolðŸ˜
I see they got a bigger boat😂😂😂
"They call for 69's all night long". I'm guessing that's not what it sounds like.
Florida man never dissapoints